An emotional post that has absolutely nothing to do with Paris

Sometimes, there are moments in life when things happen that you can't control, or that you just don't want to believe. When these things happen (and they are inevitable), the way you react to them can define who you are. Now, I know I'm only 23 but that's long enough in this world to realise that. I'd also like to reassure you that it's nothing major that has happened to me, that myself and those I love are fine, my host family is still lovely and I'm still loving Paris, and I'm very lucky to have all that. I won't go into detail on what it is that's happened as this is after all a website which anyone can read, but suffice it to say that things are changing and for once I don't really feel in control anymore.

My day to day life here is focused a lot on responsibility - I'm in charge of two small beings who depend on me, and it can be emotional. Working with children is draining. I know I'm a good au pair, I praise them often, push them hard into being the best they can be, make sure they've got everything they need when they're in my care, support them, help them learn and interact with them during games and sports and playtime. And over my time here I've come to really care for those kids and I wish them the best in life.

So I'm sad that it's all coming to an end soon (but whoever said that an ending was a new beginning in disguise was a wiseman indeed), although I know the next phase of my life is beginning and is exciting. I'm sad that the genuine, be-there-for-you-no-matter-what friends I have made are going to be my penpals for the foreseeable future (although I AM roadtripping through California somewhere in that future). And now I'm sad because of the mysterious (to you, in any case) thing that has happened. I feel sad and drained and even slightly unable to cope. Then I remember who I am - I'm Nathalie Jane Flaxington, I can cope with anything, right? Right. Just now it doesn't feel that way.

I have to remind myself that these things are inevitable, and that it isn't the end of the world. I'll let you in on a little secret - when the Spicegirls split up, I was so upset my parents were worried about my mental state to the extent that they bought me a pet hamster in the hope that its gain would aid in my loss of Ginger. I may only have been 10 years old, and a pet hamster may not make things better this time, but they will get better.

Over and out xxx